The Most Important Factor in Training Children
If parents pray, will a child pray too? If they do a few good deeds, whatever they are, is this enough for children to have outstanding personalities? What should parents do to raise their children in a good way? Among the good deeds and among the bad deeds, which deeds are more important than others? What is the difference between an architect and us? We say it like this, “A house needs iron, wood, glass, electric cables, and tiles.” But, what does an architect say? He says, “Wait, I’ll tell you the order. First this, then that.” He’s an architect. He knows how to do it.
Now, we want to design some concepts for the process of training children and distinguish priorities. Each good deed doesn’t have a good effect on children. In the same way, each bad deed doesn’t have a damaging effect on children. Each good or bad deed does not affect training children. Which good deed or behaviour has the most effect on children? What is the main one, the first one? Being friends with the child? No. This is not the main good deed, which causes a child to be brought up well.
Since some people are religious, they answer, “Prayer.” No, this is not the answer at all. Prayer is not the first good deed for parents to do for their children to become good. I can show you many parents who pray, and even pray on time, but their child has become corrupted. There is a first and most important feature in parents, which causes children to become “Human Beings!” “A Human Being” means a real human being and a noble, strong person. I have understood it this way that when you say it with a Turkish accent, it gives a stronger meaning to this concept.
What is the most important behaviour of parents, which affects children? Patience and tolerating hardships. Actually, tolerating hardships means patience. Parents, who are unable to tolerate hardships, will corrupt their children. When honourable mothers are upset, they shouldn’t say everything that comes to mind. Children understand that their mother is sad, but she smiles and says, “It’s fine.” When the child sees the mother’s patience, he or she grows ten years at once. They come out from being a child.
For example, there are very religious parents. When they get upset, they start cursing. “Wait a moment. Be patient or your child will be destroyed.” “No, one defect of mine won’t destroy my child.” “Actually he’ll be destroyed with this one defect! He won’t become good with all the rest of your good points. I’m telling you.” No defect is like impatience, and no goodness is like patience.
The most important factor for training children, which if it’s eliminated, it’s the most important reason for a person becoming impolite, is tolerating hardships. The Almighty God has mentioned patience before prayer in the Qur’an many times. “Seek assistance in patience and prayer.” (Qur’an 2:153)
[From the series of speeches under the topic of, “The special importance of patience in training children.”]
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